Longing
by Medie
Summary: Sequel to Entre Nous. A night at a bar. Wanting what you can't have. (Song fic. If You See Him/Her by Reba and Brooks & Dunn)


Title: "Longing"  
  
Author: Marianne aka "Medie"  
  
Keywords: Ezra/Other romance. Angst. ATF AU. Songfic.  
  
Disclaimer: If I owned the Seven, they'd still be filming.  
  
Author's Note: In my OW fic, Lise Standish is Elizabeth Wilmington but when I decided to   
modernize her and bring her into my ATF fic, I found she wanted to try something new.   
Technically its really fault of a friend. *G* She made a few comments about Lise being  
French, and Ezra's background in European schools, and bam, Lise is looking at Ezra not Buck.  
That she was a completely different woman in the modern era. Which, in the end, turned out to  
be pretty damn interesting.   
  
"Longing"  
by M. Edison  
--------  
  
Sitting at a table in the corner, Lise Standish listened to the music playing with forced   
disdain - telling herself noself-respecting Frenchwoman would find anything to empathize with  
in the music,despite the fact several of the songs had been about love lost and unrequited love.  
Songs that closely mirrored her own life.   
  
Lifting her glass of cognac to her lips, the brunette tried very hard to ignore the man sitting  
a few tables away, talking quietly with Josiah. She still had her pride, well some anyway, and  
getting caught staring at Ezra would pretty much finish it off entirely.   
  
As another song began to play, Lise seriously debated killing Inez for picking that radio   
station or at least killing the DJ whoever he was.She'd come to this place to relax after  
another hair-raising day working withTeam Seven. Her superiors at Interpol had begun to   
question her reports,surely no one team could find themselves in the midst of all that chaos in  
the space of a few months. They'd joked that she must have fallen into a John Woo movie.   
  
'Toss in a little James Cameron tragic romance and they're right' Lise thought ruefully as Inez  
approached the table and the lyrics of the music took a shift toward parallelling her   
relationship with her ex-husband.   
  
----------------   
How am I doing?   
Well, sometimes it's hard to tell   
I still miss him more than ever   
----------------   
  
Annoyed with her melancholia, Lise muttered a few words in her native language that would have  
brought a stinging reproach from her mother and forced a smile to her face as Inez sat down   
before her.   
  
"Waiting for someone?" the Mexican beauty inquired with a sympathetic look in her eyes. "Or   
trying to forget *he's* here?"   
  
A wry smile quirked Lise's lips as she answered. "Both. Ally and Mary are on their way, they   
both had to work late." Mary being Mary Travis and Ally being Ally Wolfe, an FBI forensic   
pathologist that had been workingwith the team as of late. All four of them had become quite  
good friends in the short time they'd known each other.   
  
Inez nodded once then leaned forward to place a comforting hand over Lise's. "How are you   
doing? I know you and Ezra are professionals but surely working together this closely has to be  
hard on you both."   
  
Lise started to object then laughed, a hint of bitterness underlying it. "Professionals...that  
we are. Most definitely." She shook her head and sighed. "I'm sorry Inez, I don't mean to be   
harsh but..."   
  
"But it is hard to work along side someone you love and not be able to tell him." At Lise's   
look of shocked surprise, Inez laughed. "What? You think we cannot see it in your eyes? You   
ove him, mi amiga, and the only person who does not see it is him. But you know how men are..."  
  
"Oui, I know how they are." The French police officer nodded with a sad look in her eyes. "Men   
in general, I find easy to predict and understand - Ezra, however, is a mystery to me." She   
sighed. "A mystery of my own making I suppose."   
  
-----------------   
Ask her if she ever wonders   
Where we both went wrong   
-----------------   
  
"Why don't you just ask her?" Josiah suggested with a sympathetic look in his eyes as Ezra   
downed the last bit of his drink."Better that you know the reasons than to beat yourself up in  
a battle with *why*."   
  
Ezra's smile, to Josiah, was like an imitation of the real thing. And a poor imitation at that.  
"Because, my dear friend, I am a coward. I would rather face the phantoms of my own subconscious  
than to confront my former spouse and inquire of her the reasons for her dissolution of our   
matrimonial existence."   
  
"No." The older man's smile was almost fatherly as he leaned forward. "You're afraid to find out  
that she stopped loving you because you're still in love with her."   
  
Ezra's green eyes widened in shock and he gaped at Josiah. "How?"   
  
"Ezra...you are without a doubt one of the greatest actors I have ever met. Your ability to  
slip into a role as seamlessly as ifit were really you is something I have never before seen   
performed with your level of skill. You are an artist when it comes to undercover work but, at  
the same time, you are quite transparent when it comes to Lise. Why on earth do you think Buck  
has left her alone?"   
  
-----------------   
I still want her   
-----------------   
  
Finally, the undercover agent sighed and nodded. "You are correct in your assumptions, Josiah.  
My desire for Lise is as strong as it has always been."   
  
------------------   
I still need him so   
------------------   
  
"You still love him, yes?" Though she didn't need to ask the question herself, Inez knew Lise   
needed to say the words.   
  
"As intensely as I can for as long as I live." The faint French accent that colored her words  
thickened as she reached for her drink.   
  
"And you need him?" the latina prompted.   
  
"As much as I need to breathe."   
  
"Then tell him so."   
  
The matter of fact expression on her face brought a choked laugh from Lise. "And perhaps, when  
I'm done, I can take a quick jaunt to the Middle East and repair that situation as well, hmm?"  
  
A sympathetic look in her dark eyes, Inez leaned forward and covered her friend's hand with her  
own. "What is the worst that he can say, hmm?"   
  
"Leave and never come back," was the Frenchwoman's immediate response, her eyes a window into   
how much pain the concept brought her. "It nearly killed me to see him go the last time...and I  
was the one who sent him away If it were him that banished *me* from his life...it would kill   
me. That I am sure of."   
  
------------------   
I don't know why we let each other go   
------------------   
  
"Can you think of anything that happened that would cause Lise to file for divorce?" Josiah  
asked gently, watching his younger friend's expression intently. "Any event, any occurance,  
that would have even impacted your marriage?"   
  
Ezra thought hard on the answer to that question. Searching for the elusive answer he'd been  
unable to find since the day Lise had filed for divorce. And, like all those other searches  
before, he could find no answer."Nothing of the severity that would necessitate the drastic  
measures Lise took..."   
  
"Nothing..." The elder man frowned and leaned back inhis chair. "Well something had to have   
happened Ezra. Women don't up and file for divorce on a whim. 'Specially not a woman like Lise.  
She doesn't seem the type to take a committment like marriage lightly."   
  
"She is not," the Southerner confirmed with a nodbefore knocking back a swallow of his drink.   
  
"And she quite obviously still has feelings for you..." his friend remarked with a subtle glance  
in the directon of the Frenchwoman who seemed to be in a deep conversation of her own with Inez.  
"So whatever happened...it wasn't a lack of emotion."   
  
A sardonic smile was Ezra's response to that comment."My dear Mr.Sanchez, you seem to have  
overindulged in your libations as you are clearly inebriated. My former paramour has   
demonstrated nothing more than the concern she would show anyone else."   
  
"Ezra," Josiah's look was supportive as he said,"in the words of our esteemed Mr. Wilmington,   
'if you were any blinder,you'd be walking into walls.' That woman looks at you like you are the  
most precious of jewels. Very much the same look you give her when you think no one is looking.   
Frankly, Ezra, I've never seen a couple more in love...and too blinded by their own pain to see  
it."   
  
"Perhaps so, Josiah, perhaps so..." With a furtive look in his ex-wife's direction, the  
Southerner's eyes filled with longing."Unfortunately, I cannot rectify the situation as I do not  
have any notion as to what induced it to begin with."   
  
------------------   
If you see her   
Tell her the light's still on for her   
------------------   
  
"But, if you could," the big man prompted. "Would you?"   
  
"Without any hesitation," Ezra's answer was immediate and completely without any of the   
grandeur he enjoyed cloaking himself with.Just pure, honest, emotion. "My feelings for my wife  
have never waned nor diminished. If anything they are stronger now than the day I took her as   
my bride."   
  
A smile graced Josiah's face and he nodded. "I figured as much," he noted as he leaned back in  
his chair. "I know that words aren't much of a help to how you feel at this moment, but I'll say  
them anyway. I don't believe it any coincedence that Lise is here in the US now."   
  
"Divine intervention?" The other man asked, only half joking.   
  
"I would not be the slightest bit surprised," Sanchez answered bluntly. "Ezra, the kind of love  
you and Lise obviously share is a rarity in this world. I don't believe for a second the Creator  
would allow it to perish or sit back and watch you both suffer. You have a second chance my   
friend, I advise you take it. Most folks don't get that chance."   
  
"Of that, my friend, I am well aware," Ezra responded solemnly. "However, I have absolutely no  
idea how to move forward."   
  
"You will...You will."   
  
------------------   
Nothing's changed   
Deep down the fire still burns for him   
------------------   
  
"You don't know that he would reject you." Inez squeezed Lise's hand gently.   
  
"It is a far more likely response than him welcoming me back with open arms." The brunette's  
tone could best be described as morose. "I made a grave mistake when I let him go. The worst  
mistake of my life. And I am well aware of the fact it's a mistake I will have to live with   
until the day I die. I cannot change it."   
  
"You cannot erase the past, that is true." As she looked into her friend's sad face, the bar's   
proprietor was careful of the words she chose. "But that does not eliminate any possibility of   
a new future. Lise, have your feelings for Ezra died out?"   
  
"No!" After blurting out her emphatic denial, Ezra's ex-wife took a calming breath and said, in  
measured tones, "Nothing has changed...only to deepen."   
  
"Then why do you think his have? You were the one that ended the marriage, correct?" At the   
other woman's nod, Inez continued. "Then if you hadn't filed for divorce, Ezra would have never  
gone anywhere. In all likelihood you would still be married, yes?"   
  
Unable to speak, Lise nodded simply.   
  
"Then why would you expect him not to love you now?"   
  
"He didn't fight," the dull comment brought a sheen of tears to her expressive eyes as she   
lowered her gaze to the table. "Not once. He didn't try to stop me. He just sat there and didn't  
say a word. His lawyer talked but...Ezra, he didn't speak. He didn't even look at me. He just...  
sat there."   
  
Her heart wrenching in sympathy for the other woman, Inez made up her mind to find out what had  
broken her friends' marriage apart. She had no doubts that the others would help her. None of   
them enjoyed watching Ezra and Lise beating themselves up over their past mistakes. No matter   
what the mysterious cause of those mistakes was. "That does not mean he does not love you."   
  
"Then what does it mean?"   
  
"It may mean he loved you enough to give you what he thought you wanted." The beautiful latina  
smiled at her, sympathy and empathy in her dark gaze. "Sometimes, when the ones we love do   
something we cannot understand, we do what we think they want. Unfortunately, if we don't ask  
them...we can make the wrong choice."   
  
"And you think that's what happened?"   
  
"I don't know," Inez answered honestly. "But I do believe you have to find out. You cannot let  
this go on as it is. Either one of you. It's better to fail than to say you didn't at least try.  
The love I see in your eyes for him...it is too precious to hide. From him or yourself."   
  
-----------------   
And even if it takes forever say I'll still be here   
-----------------   
  
Seeing the confused dejection beginning to enter Ezra's eyes again, Josiah spoke, "You might   
not know how to approach her now, but you will Ezra. I guarantee you that."   
  
"You are much more sure of my intelligence than I," the undercover specialist remarked with a   
dry smile.   
  
"That's because you always underestimate yourself."His friend smiled at the comment. Not only  
did the southerner constantly under-value his importance to his friends and his job, but he was  
also unable to understand the powerful effect he had on his former spouse. A blind man could   
see the poorly hidden loneliness and longing that lived in Lise Standish's gaze. Particularly  
when she watched Ezra, something she did often. If he entered a room, her eyes were on him. And  
if the eyes were truly the windows to the soul, then Lise's soul was inexorably linked with   
Ezra's. Whether either one realized it or not, they were inseperable.   
  
The only thing left to do was get them both to realize it.   
  
"If you believed there was even a chance that you and Lise could reconcile, how long would you   
wait for that to happen?"   
  
"Forever," Ezra answered with a soft voice, barely audible over the music that filled the club.  
"I would wait forever."   
  
"Then wait for your chance Ezra..." Josiah's eyes were earnest and determined. "Trust me, it's  
there. The opportunity will present itself. I'm sure of it."   
  
His pained gaze returned to Lise's face and his eyes closed briefly at the cry of his heart.   
  
The words of his friend echoed round in his mind and he felt that cursed organ in his chest   
seize onto them. Try as he might, Ezra could not convince it to let go.   
  
If there was a chance....   
  
He'd wait forever.   
  
-----------------   
If you see him   
If you see her   
-----------------   
  
Stepping out of the bar, Lise pulled her jacket on and reached back to free her dark hair from  
its confinement beneath her collar.   
  
With a sigh, she closed her eyes for a moment to enjoy the cool night air. She stood there for  
a few minutes, just enjoying being there, until she heard the sounds of people moving past her  
and the cop-side of her nature reminded her it wasn't prudent to stand around in the dark.   
Especially not outside a bar afer closing and *definitely* not with your eyes closed.   
  
As she opened her eyes, the Frenchwoman looked around to find Inez's car, since she'd been  
drinking, her friend had offered a ride.   
  
Thoughts of designated drivers vanished when her eyes lit on the man standing next to his BMW,  
keys held loosely in one hand, green eyes watching her in the dark.   
  
Ezra.   
  
A wave of longing swept over her and Lise fought to keep it out of her eyes. Her father had  
taught his beloved daughter to have a lot of pride in herself and one thing he'd taught her was  
never to let such things show. The lesson hadn't taken entirely. She was still an emotive  
person but...sometimes. Like when faced with the ex-husband she adored, the man she still  
expected to find sleeping next to her when she woke in the night, it was another story.   
  
It took all her control and all her determination not to just sit on the curb and cry.   
  
Biting her lip, she tore her gaze from his and looked up into the night sky. Trying to see past  
the lights of the city to the stars she knew waited there.   
  
She couldn't face him...not yet. Not until she was ready to deal with the idea of losing him   
forever.   
  
Not until that very idea no longer threatened to crush her heart...   
  
When it didn't...then. Then she could face him.   
  
A humorless laugh escaped her at the thought.   
  
'Coward.'   
  
------------------   
If you see him   
If you see her   
------------------   
  
Watching Lise, her face tilted back as she looked up into the night's sky, Ezra had to grip the  
car door tightly with his free hand to keep himself restrained. He hoped Lise truly had no idea  
of the effect she had on him. Her mere presence alone conjured up memories of their life   
together, as short as it had been. Sense memories. How it felt to touch her, how she smelled  
fresh from the shower, how her voice sounded when...   
  
His throat tightened and threatened to cut off his airway so the Southerner took a calming  
breath, taking the needed oxygen deep into his lungs and letting it spread to the rest of his   
body. Calm. Focused.   
  
Don't watch her. Don't think about what you might have seen or not seen. Don't project your   
desires onto her face. It can only lead you both to more pain. The last thing you need.   
  
But still...for a moment. Just for a moment. When Lise's gaze had met his...it was almost as if  
he'd seen a longing in her dark eyes.   
  
But that was impossible. The time they'd shared, the emotions, was gone. Dead. Never to be   
ressurrected, no matter what Josiah said, and yet...   
  
He was sure he'd seen...   
  
Shaking his head, Ezra got into his car.   
  
He'd wait forever. He knew that. Knew it no matter what he had or hadn't seen in her eyes...   
  
But yet...   
  
Longing....   
  
With a sigh, he started his car.   
  
Longing.   
  
Finis 


End file.
